Why I do this work
Why do I do what I do? I love it. I am daily inspired by peoples courage and open hearted curiosity. I am touched by the trust that I am honoured with. And how cool is it to spend the day exploring what it is to be human. This work feeds my soul.
If you are interested to know then here is a bit about my life journey that has lead me to where I am and maybe to meeting with you. My CV reads like a telephone directory - I have had a number of ‘Careers’ that have allowed me to explore life from different orientations. However a theme has emerged and that is about re-discovering and living in and as my essential nature. How is it to live as consciousness embodied in this body called Daniel? That is my enquiry.
I have spent much time looking back again at my early formative years. I continue to shine a light on and attempt to understand the drivers of some of my habitual responses that keep showing up in disruptive ways particularly in my relationships. I was born in London into a turbulent dysfunctional family. My mum committed suicide when I was 5, a final step that concluded a series of leavings that were themselves the culmination of periods of extreme disturbance, emotion and fury. My dad also suffered from depression and would withdraw to paint or sleep. What I learned way back then were ways to keep myself safe in an environment that felt anything but. I discovered that if I was helpful, good, compliant, didn't fuss, was capable and responsible, the adults around me appreciated me, noticed me, loved me. And that felt good, better than worrying about my mum - was she sad or angry, my dad - was he sad or .. or what, and my younger brother - was he hungry or wet?
It is no surprise that this early conditioning, these childish strategies, still sit at the core of my psyche. As a 3 year old I learned that I could make my mum smile and laugh - experience happiness and joy. But when she was sad or angry I concluded that it must be because I was not doing a good enough job. The fact that she left (and took my brother with her) was proof that I had failed her in some way.
So fast-forward 15 years to girlfriends and a similar pattern emerged. My attention was out - scanning my environment, checking, checking, checking. How is she responding, what does her response mean, how can I make myself be more acceptable to her, how can I make her like me, appreciate me, love me? Growing up in the rise of the feminist movement fitted really well. The women I was in relationship with seemed to want an attentive, caring, sensitive, compliant man; skills I had spent my life honing. But there was a downside to this strategy - I was completely disconnected from myself. I had no idea of, could not feel and was detached from what was actually true for me.
Some wise person once told me that the truth is right under my nose, upfront and personal, not out there as some thing to be discovered or possessed. And so it was. I hit a time in my late thirties when everything fell apart, pretty much all of the things I could point to that defined me, including my marriage fell apart.
What I have been learning, sometimes painfully, over the past 25 years, has been that I just have to stay right here. The more intimate I am with my experience of life in each moment, the more awe inspiringly magnificent it is in its ordinariness. I have been engaged in an exploration of how it is to be this weirdly wonderful, mortal human moving through this landscape of consciousness manifesting. And I find myself with an expanding sense of calling to work with people and share some of the insights and skills I have picked up along the way. I am blessed to be supported and inspired on my journey by my spiritual teacher Adam. He reminds me to be here, now, experiencing in this moment as it arises.
Some years ago I was working in my garden when I became aware of a sense of apprehension, an anxiety about being seen by my neighbours. What would they think about me and what I was doing. I was struck by how familiar this feeling was and I was also curious about what was going on. I began to notice other situations where the same fears would surface and also how my behaviour would change in response. I began to see how whole chunks of my identity would come centre-stage in an attempt to defend against or deflect what I perceived as threatening. When I was in the grip of this fear my mind got very active, playing out fantasies and scenarios that would generate more anxiety. I may have been gardening but I was a million miles away from the smell of the soil, the sound of the birds and the movements of my body. I was lost to myself. In my spiritual work I began to further enquire into what was going on. It became clear that my capacity to stay present was blocked by unresolved early life trauma and this needed to be explored.
This lead me to Somatic Experiencing (SE), a body-based psychotherapeutic approach developed by Dr Peter Levine, for working with the effects of trauma. This approach has been incredibly effective for me. It has helped me to free-up the energy held in un-resolved and incomplete responses to traumatic events. Inspired by the impact that SE has had on my life, I have spent the past 8 years studying SE and other body-based approaches and using them in my work with people. Understanding how our nervous systems work, learning how our minds operate, and working from a spiritual perspective - the landscape of awakening and the ground of presence, has been a potent blend.
SE works by helping our nervous systems to stabilise. This then expands our capacity to be with, and get closer to, difficult physical and emotional experiences. When we can meet these parts of ourselves from a resourced place, where we are solid and grounded, then a re-negotiation can happen. The energy that was bound-up in the body is freed-up bringing with it a sense of aliveness, relaxation, and wholeness. If you want to find out more start here.
After training as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP), I have gone on to work as a part of the small team that is SOS Internationale. We organise Somatic Experiencing trainings in the UK and on which I assist as part of the teaching team.
I also work with couples alongside my wife , Kate Maryon. We work as a couple with couples. This is a very beautiful and transformational way to explore the potential our relationships offer. Find out more here: consciouscoupleswork.com
Apart from working with individuals and couples, I run regular detox retreats with Sura Detox Here I get to work with a broad cross-section of humanity who come to us because they have reached a point in life where they recognise that they need to stop, take stock of where they are, and from there look afresh at their lives. They share a commitment to their own process, they dare to stop running in the hamster wheel of life and question. They are inspiring. Check out our website.
I love learning new skills and exploring new concepts. Along the way I have done some academic studies with degrees in Zoology and Computer Sciences (BSc, MSc, PGCE) and I have acquired other skills such as Tai Chi, meditation, breathwork and a variety of physical therapies. More recently, I have qualified in Somatic Experiencing (SE), Integral Somatic Psychology (ISP) with Dr Raja Selvam and I have studied Neuro-Affective Relational Model (NARM) with Dr Larry Heller - these are body-based psychotherapeutic approaches that help to relieve and resolve the symptoms of chronic and extreme stress, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), developmental traumas and other mental and physical trauma-related problems.